Reach the sky;

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

So I've been getting alot of "OMG Xiwen. You are SO in Quadrant 2." Thanks for the compliment(?), but you guys are wrong. You have no idea how far behind I am in other things right now. Plus the deadlines I have missed. And what is to come. But hey, I'm not complaining about those. I chose it.

To start with. Yes I'm studying for Geometrical Proofs and am 75% done with my study schedule for the chapter. But take heart those who think I'm mad, cos' I still understand little of that atrocious chapter. Let it be known I do not intend to be an architect, or anything that involves proving circles and triangles. And even if I do, guess what. I'll do it the smart way. How? I'll use a RULER and a PROTRACTOR. So I'm pretty much doomed just like the rest of us with the exception of Jomain, Jolene, and Weiqi. All of whom are total math freaks.

Moving on, I must say I find it slightly amusing. How life hits you at times like this. And you know when it's coming. Weird I must say. At the very least, it's a lesson learnt. Or perhaps even in this case, learning. Sure I mess up on a pretty regular basis. But I honestly think this is a major overreaction this time 'round. I don't even understand now...

I don't understand how some people can hold grudges, for like all eternity. And even when they forget what the offense was, they still harbour dislike for others. Isn't it so tiring to be angry all the time? On the very day this whole nonsense started again, I went back home thinking everything was normal. But it wasn't. I don't even know what was the huge offence that I did. Just a comment in the morning, and all hell breaks loose. It doesn't help one's mental strength, when every morning, you wake to see the same person in a foul mood, it starts the day off on the wrong foot. It doesn't help much either, to go back to a home everyday that doesn't even welcome you back and would rather you be away. Even today in the morning it happened, worse than before. I tried to shake it off when I reached school, but obviously that didn't happen. And I'm a poor liar, so the story goes. I feel so drained. Every time I try to divert my attention to something else, it doesn't work. The problem, situation, crisis, continues to hang in my thoughts. I must say though, that I have found more people I can trust. I don't say it. To add on, the person where all the gloom radiates doesn't even take note of your existence. It feels worse still if that person is your own 'mother'. But sometimes, a simple act of concern can touch a person's heart. So to those people(if you see this), Thanks. Alot.

Maybe I've come to the point of no return, where I'll never be able to earn your respect again. Maybe, I've just wasted away all my chances in the foolishness and immaturity I still had in the past. And if that were the case, perhaps I would be fine with everything right now. But you know, for all the times you have said you show no favouritism. For all the times you said even if there were, I would have been the one. It hurts alot. It hurts alot to see you doing just the opposite. It hurts to see how you can reconcile yourself to the people who have more bones to pick with you better than you can with me. It hurts to see how you see all the wonders and talents with the rest but see nothing but flaws in me. It hurts to see that if we ever were ranked, I would be at the rock bottom. Perhaps even below that.

Our relationship, have never quite been the same ever since that day 2 years ago. But even so, with everything now. Hatred is beyond me. The only thing right now that comes close to falling into that category would be my CCA. But that's besides the point. I have mentioned before, time and time again. That no matter how painful, tiring, or tough it will be, I choose to follow Jesus. In other words, I choose to not let history repeat itself. So the fact of the matter is, I will still try. I choose to stand, and not surrender.

You are wrong about who I am. I am not who you dictate me to be. I am not someone in a play, for you to script out my thoughts and my actions. I am not the same person as before. My feelings and thoughts, are unknown to you. You are not me. I WILL show you, who I am. I will show you, what I am capable of. I will show you my resolve, in doing the things I have set out to do. I will advance.

“The wind played with my hair at 9:09 PM”

about me

Name: Lim Xiwen
Age: 16
Birthday: 17th April 1993

Proud member of Sec 4 Unity 09'
IGNYTER

wishlist

1. Grow in God
2. Grow taller
3. More time
4. More self-control
5. To learn how to bar
6. Fufil my resolutions
7. Leave a legacy
8. Improve in football

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