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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
So it's the 30th. I actually can't wait for school to reopen. Sure it's THE year. The one we've actually been working for since we first stepped into secondary school. But it's like, all the times, the nonsensical fun we had much to the teachers' protests, have been sorely missed on my part. I don't suppose we'll still be mad hysterical goofballs in a couple of days, but hey, I can hope some of it survives the depressing onslaught MOE has to offer us right? So today... is pretty much very linked with last night. Things have a way of twisting and twining when you think it's alright. Ah well. I survived thus far. I do suppose I can make it through. I'm not going to make one of those "the year has come and gone" and "time really flies" cliche end-of-the-year posts. Yet. For the moment though, I'm caught in one of those twisted plots that shock the world(me in this case). There was a movie, I think, not too long ago(last year?) where a mother and daughter swapped roles one morning and got stuck in one another's bodies. I'm in something similar. Just minus the freaky "I'm in my mom's body! AHHH!" part. Funny where mere words and comments can land you. I just hope, that once school reopens, this weirdness ends once and for all(all the better if it's going to be tomorrow), and survive the "part-time housewife" job for the next 2 days(which seems to be dragging on forever). Drat. I got cut short by parental control. Oh well. Ciao. Maybe I'll fix up this abrupt and dull ending I am forced to place here. Saturday, December 27, 2008
I will.
Friday, December 26, 2008
So I said this was going to be a new season. It sure is alright. Chilly, and salty. All I can do is hope that after it all, I'll become cured squid or something. Pardon my sad sad choice of analogy here. Since I'm here anyways, blessed belated Christmas to all. So let's see. I have.... about a week before school starts. No homework has been done, no studying, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be studying. Oh joy... This is going to be one awesome start of the year. I can see it now. Just brilliant. But I think that should be the lesser of the situation now. I haven't got much motivation to study anyways. This year, was one warped Christmas for me. In a not so good way. I think it's my fault again(why oh why do I have a knack for ruining traditionally celebrative days?). I managed to ruin it right from the start too. Like say, 12 am. Good job Xi Wen. And I haven't exactly got much of a defense either. Like say, "I was sleepy, cranky, and basically pure instinct and emotion was awake, not my mind. Which would explain why I so annoyedly shouted cos' well, they were screaming around my room while I was trying to sleep. And at that point in time, sleeping was all I cared about to be honest." Great defence isn't it. But in the end, the events that followed after wasn't exactly what you would call 'merry'. And the thing is, I should have just stayed up for the half hour more. Cos' then I wouldn't have a chance to slip back into primitive times. Having said all that, it doesn't exactly change where this has headed, and probably still is. But you know, even if a teeny bit of me feel this isn't the way it should carry on, I'm beat. Dead tired. Fighting so much is tiring. So pretty much, I've given up on arguing. I mean, there isn't much sense when you get shot back down before you even finish your sentence. It's not that I've given up though. I just got no clue what's left to do. The only faintest idea I have would originate from the phrase: Action speaks louder than words. The question was raised awhile back. If I'm doing all that I can, all that I said I would. And then questions like if I'm living a double life pop out. Cos' it seems, my own family can't see the changes. I'm still confused by how she derived that I put my friends before my family. And the only faintest idea I have would be how I've just been busy with IWCP(Not that I think IWCP was bad. We got 1 salvation. That is more than enough to make everything worthwhile.) lately, which just happens to be after camp. Maybe she figured I'm running out to have fun again or something. I don't know. But it bugs me still. How she can't see it otherwise. And it bugged me even more, how her idea of punishing me involves making life miserable for everyone else around me, isn't enough for one person? Thankfully she felt merciful to the rest in the last moments. But still, I gotta' admit she is one scary person. This isn't the first time, the silence and everything. Ironic though, seems like I've been seasoned to it all. I still remember, I use to plead and plead and plead. Now I'm just waiting it out. Trying to make things normal in the simplest of ways and everything. Like for example, sitting here right now. I just hope it doesn't last right till' 31 Dec 2008/1 Jan 2009. Cos' that'd be rather depressing. Plus, I lost my wallet today. Brilliant right? Lost it in the bird park. I doubt I'm gonna' get it back though. But at this rate, I'm going to pay alot lot more for transport, so I plan to get it replaced, like tomorrow, before communion. See how well it's going now? ARGH. You know, before it all, I thought it was some nonsense time where I was doing everything wrong(which I am actually) and some down period. And the stuff that went through my head was: "Ok God. Now would be a good time to come and rescue me." and like "Would this be the great new season? How great it is indeed." But if I think of it as a time of moulding, it all fits in. Considering how in a split second of being back from camp, wham. It came down. I'm going to remember though, that God will never let me go, that he's holding me by my right hand. I just pray that there is still time to salvage Christmas... Sunday, December 21, 2008
Ok. I shall not think about it no more. I came close to losing it all, but thank God it didn't happen. It was a lil' traumatic perhaps, but the outcome wasn't that bad. So there. Just hold firm and press on. It made me realise more can be done. Like, a lot more. So there. "See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc; 17no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD. ~ Isaiah 54:16-17 I still don't really get why I'm where I am. But I believe there is a reason. It was a pretty good wake-up call I got from the whole thing I guess. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. ~ Isaiah: 55:9 Maybe someday I'll understand. But until then, I'll advance, run, trust. I'll stand and fight. Thursday, December 18, 2008
Right. So I am back from the awesome awesome Ignyte camp!!!!! I'm proud to say I am from the very awesome group of iFocus! Together with Esther, Rachael, Shalyn, Hannah, Daniel. Eu Dee, C.C.M, Yong Li, Wei Jie(AKA Turtle Boy/Jaja), Max, John, Haruki, and Suster Shirlene. WOOT!!!!Camp has been a really radical thing for me, I'm really glad I went. Alot of my expectations I had were met, if not all and even more. It's hard to start, but well, I need to share or forever hold my peace(as Hannah would say). Hahas. Ok, I shall begin with games then. GAMES Day 1 So... On day 1, the theme for the games was Caring and Connecting. One game that I learnt from was "Frisbee Soccer". Just imagine soccer with a Frisbee instead, wut with different conditions. Right then. You know, it's a choice. We can choose to feel inadequate, we can choose to sit out and say: "I'm not good enough.", but when we do that, not only are we shortchanging ourself, we're leaving the rest to fight it out without our help. And even when we don't have much to offer. Just having one more person to pass the Frisbee to opens up many different opportunities. Just one person, is enough to impact the life of another. All are valuable to God, even just one. I forgot the name, but one of the games, the one with newspaper, lines, jumping jacks, and cold ice water that actually burns. You know, the beginning of that game, it was hard, but after that, things got progressively easier. It's like reaching out. The beginning is always the toughest, yet, whenever we want to give up, we fail to realise the breakthrough is just a little further up. If we stop, we have to start from scratch the next time around. But if we push on, we will eventually reach. And I guess it's important to me, because I am a person who severely lacks patience. It's not that I don't try, it's the fact that I don't try enough. But times are changing, and so will I. Next for day 1, the station where we had to eat wasabi biscuits and weirdo stuff to win items to build something that can transport an egg across a pool taught me indirectly, that each of us have our own talents, but if we choose not to step out and take on the challenge, that might not be other people who are able to take their place. Day 2 Right, so day 2 games, the CSI station struck me quite hard. The whole suicide thing, and what the Marshall(whom I think is Sis Serling?) shared reminded me alot. That time is an uncertain thing, that we need to look out for the needs of others and try and meet them, cos' we never know when the unexpected might happen. And I fear regretting if that were to ever happen. I don't want to have to learn the hard way. Another thing, was a reminder to stop gossiping. It's not that I do it intentionally and start the trend, but when the message is passed along, I sometimes do. Which is a bad thing, cos' I know what God sees in it is not righteousness. So yeah. The 4th station was something that taught me many things as well. The one where we had to criticize/affirm and build/destroy with plastic cups/water bombs. Faith and friends are developed by spending time with God, and the enemy will do everything He can to stop you and tear whatever is built up back down. So we have to remain vigilant. Even if it means getting smacked in the face by a water bomb, and violent Bro ZhiHao throw more at you afterwards showing no remorse. Haha. Day 3 We're on the last day of games! First game really showed how weak my memory verse knowledge is. I should really start memorising more. Ok. At last 5 a week. Sounds good to me. The station called Mission Impossible really was quite fun I must say. We had to do seemingly mad and impossible stuff. Especially when we poor things drew the "All girls" lot. Wah. Shalyn wasn't feeling well, Rachael has heart pains, Esther's back has a condition, Sis Shirlene isn't allowed to play, that leaves to girls; me and Hannah, to do 200 sit-ups and 200 push-ups. WOOHOO! We did fine for the sit ups(we have super abs! Not.) but the push ups required the guys help. Which was good. Cos' we had too little people, the Marshall let the guys help. I mean come on, we can't do 100 push ups each right. Perseverance is important, especially when paired up with faith. Unity in spirit, helps alot as well. Last station which we have dubbed the "Sleeping game" was good too. We need to encourage each other. When one falls, we stop and pull each other back up. No one gets left behind. SERVICES Yes I know, we are finally one step nearer to my conclusion. I'm just going to be brief. I'm not gonna' regurgitate sermons here. The things I feel I should do, is to stop being a child. It's time to grow up. Believing in your own limitations and stuff isn't going to help but cause adverse effects. So it's time to face up, and believe. Through God, everything is possible. To have the courage to step out in faith and to be willing to sacrifice for God. And to remember: Courage is found, and amplified in the midst of fear. The more you fear, the more you should face up. As well as remember that God doesn't call you cos' of your background or talents, but the condition of your heart. He is the God of relationship, the God who calls us to greatness, the God who provides, and the God who transforms. You know, if I keep this up, I'll never sleep. Lol. So I'll cut straight to the point from here on to the end of this post. MY COMMITMENTS & MY CONCLUSIONS I have been appointed by God to bring change and to make impacts for Him. I will stand in faith and I believe he will use me. I use to say I haven't got it in me, well, enough of that. If all have is prayer, I'll pray. If all I have is a mouth, I'll speak in faith. If all I have is the ability to help, then I will help. God's kingdom, is bigger than my own personal preferences. If he says go, I will. I will advance forward. The time has come for a new season. Sunday, December 7, 2008
So. Ok. I didn't exactly not get distracted by the internet. But I did more or less get the job done. YIPPEE! Not just to wait and see for the reception. And fine-tune everything else I guess. I'm getting worried though. For my eyesight. I can feel my right eye blurring more often now. Dang. I should really stop once in a while and take a break. What the posters I see in little primary schools are lies. Going outdoors to play DOES NOT stop your eyesight from getting worse. I play outside often enough ya' know. So anyways, tomorrow is going to be an awesome day of pool games although one can only speculate on how challenging it's going to be with a couple of adults, a miniature brother, and 2 teeny cousins. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers. I'm supposed to go for a meeting tomorrow. But cos' of the "No going out with friends on public holidays" rule my Mom has imposed on me(cos' I'm the only one allowed out and for that I should be thankful) I shall not be going. Oh well. At least I did pitch in. There's always Tuesday I guess. I've pretty much begun the countdown to camp. 1 week now. Then I'll be packed off to Malaysia for good wholesome fun. Yippeedoo! Ok. I shall go off now. Ciao. Before though, I strongly reccomend everyone reads Davelle's blog. It really really really cracks me up with all the cynical comments. AWESOMENESS Saturday, December 6, 2008
So guess what I've been doing the whole of today. Before I went to church, I was rotting in front of this here computer screen watching bacteria make houses in people's toes, and people fighting over books in libraries with guns and stuff. Great plan for the hols ain't it.Well no actually. I kinda despise the slacking mode. The mountain of maths mentioned before is still the same height with minimal attempts to scale it from me. All I've been doing is whittling my time away. How many times do I need someone to remind me what I'm here for, and what I'm supposed to be doing? Garwsh. Anyone who allows themselves to be distracted from the plan God has for them is not fit for the kingdom of God. Owchies. Just read that yesterday and what was I doing this morning? Oh yes. Spoiling my eyesight. Great job Xiwen. That's so fulfilling your calling. Should have been writing that script that was due when? OH WAIT. TODAY. AWESOME job... Stoning in front of the goggle-box is not in any way a form of showing "I am ready.", neither does it show I'm availing myself. Worship is a whole-hearted lifestyle. Once more, head knowledge is useless without application... That's it. Deadline is tomorrow night latest. I only fear that my brain will fail to think of jokes. Last time I wrote anything like this was what... in Australia? And even that wasn't the least bit funny. No wonder I never won the Tournament of Minds. It's amazing. How others are so full of initiative. Like say, Davelle, who works(some people are mad) after O's, and in between finds time to make publicity items and buy boxes of candy canes. Those cards were awesome. And I'm (yes you guessed it) slacking in front of the computer. WAKE UP XIWEN! WAKE UP!!!!!! Sides' from that. Sis Shirlene is making me feel anxious about who's in my camp group. She says that I'll like it. Although I figure she's probably hinting she's my AL or something. Haha. Should be fun either ways. Fammy just told me something really really funny. I shall remember it for a long time yet. Ok. Enough of runaway thought train the 2nd. I shall stop here. Ciao. Friday, December 5, 2008
Right then. So recently I've been busy, but enjoying it. Played guitar hero for the 1st time recently. And I CANNOT play the drums. For nuts. Sides' from that, Ruihan can cook. Really well. Even more 'wow' if you compare him to me who can't even separate egg yolks from the white. Well, I never exactly hid the fact that I failed Home-Ec anyways.So I got a guitar early this week, and it isn't as easy as I heard it was(I do believe it was Aunt Julie who told me that when I was still in Aussie). Whatever it is, it's a big fat lie. The only song I can play is Heart of Worship, and even that has numerous pitfalls in the duration of the song when I play it. My fingers, are stiff, and halfway through they decided it's time to play statue and well, there ya' have it. Everything just jams. So I really need a teacher. Or I'll just end up butchering my fingers for absolutely no reason. So volunteers are welcome. I found out I have the exact same guitar as Rachel. I recall she described it as "Toast bread burnt around the edges". So true. I remember I asked Sis Rainne how long it takes to learn the guit. Apparently one month is enough if you have passion. Well then, in this case I'm an exception then. Cos' I'm just not good at it. Oh well. And who said purple was a royal shade? My fingers beg to differ. I also discovered I like David Archuleta way more than David Cook. I mean what's with the moustache? First it was a fuzzball. Now it's like the beard got a shave and he's sporting a buzz cut 'round his mouth. But in case I'm giving any wrong ideas, I do not watch/like American Idol. It's WAY overrated. Really. I mean, how many more years(not to mention identical replicas all across the globe) does it take for them to realise that they're just mass producing "stars"? I actually think those that approach the producers and audition have more guts then those who just go for their stint at fame during A.I. season. Then again, I guess the producer's are just in it for the money they collect from the thousands of fanatics who make sure they exhaust their wallets to vote someone into the finals. Enough of that then. Confusing this blog post is no? It's a runaway train of thought I tell ya'. And I'm just being reminded about my pathetic niche areas by Rachel. Haha. She asks: "I've been meaning to ask you. What piano grade are you?" My answer? "3!(after 10 years no less)" I'm so great. So now I'm being made to remember what my mom said a few days ago. It goes like this... Mom: Xi Wen ar. What's your forte? All your friends have something they're really good at. Some good at drawing, some good at cooking, you leh? Me: Ers... Who's good at drawing? But it's true to a certain degree. I don't have a forte. Unless you count slacking, and maybe being rougher than most girls my age. I'm not even like Xi Yuan, who gamely calls herself the "Jack of all trades". Great. Think pleasant thoughts Xi Wen. Ok enough moping. There's still a tonne worth of maths worksheets to do. Sides' there's still plenty of room for perfection in the Heart of Worship Xiwen Style. Oh well. Plus, there needs some searching for more footy competitions and DSA admission schemes. Lolz. Just cos' I'm not confident for O' levels despite the school's promising statistics. So now thanks to Rachel, YET AGAIN, I am made to think of what my goal is. XiYuan's one is in bold. "I AM THE FUTURE PILOT". She'll get there for sure. I'm 100% positive. Maybe I'll go sit on the balcony and think it out. Oh wait, I don't have a balcony anymore. Unless I climb out the window and into it. Cos' I just remembered last night, the door got filled and converted into a wall. I've decided I'm going to change the blog skin cos'Xi Yuan AND Rachel complain it's too small for their eyes. Fine be that way. Grrr.... It's where I am- not where I've been You make me want to live You make me want to live You came to shake us And to wake us up to something more Than we'd always settled for And you make me want to live But am I stirring from my sleep? Am I opening my eyes to the world around me? |
about me
Name: Lim Xiwen Age: 16 Birthday: 17th April 1993 Proud member of Sec 4 Unity 09' IGNYTER wishlist
1. Grow in God2. Grow taller 3. More time 4. More self-control 5. To learn how to bar 6. Fufil my resolutions 7. Leave a legacy 8. Improve in football tagboard
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Designer: SPLASH!Resources: 1 | 2 |