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Sunday, August 31, 2008
Jing made my day super happy yesterday. Cos' she didn't get a formal invitation, but she came anyway. For EXIT I mean. Thanks and I hope you got something out of it.The drama team did a really good job at it. Especially those that played Mark and Nicholas. I got such a shock when Mark got dragged off screaming and all, especially when he went: "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" I whipped my head back to the front immediately. Then went Nick got dragged away too, I took great care not to follow him with my eyes. Such a shock. I think I got traumatized. I'm sure everyone wants to leave behind a legacy. Maybe we don't all say it out. But I don't believe we go through life just cos' it's been given to us and not wanting to do stuff to be remembered out of it. When we leave this Earth, what is it would we have wanted to accomplish before time runs out? I want to make an impact on the lives around me. I want to bring that shining light in this world, the one who leads people to Him. I believe, you can be a garbage collector, but if you find purpose in what you do, then I guess you've got a great job. Talking a bit too far maybe, so let's rewind to now. We ain't got no job. Unless you consider that of a student, but I believe there's more to what we are here on Earth for. Not to study and mug your youth away then get successful(not that I don't want to), not to idle time away and then, at the end, regret everything. Some might argue, 1 person. What can you do? Nothing much. Maybe if you're lucky, a couple of people. But imagine this, that 1 person manages to touch 2 others, and the other 2 further reach out to another 4, and on this goes. I'd like to believe that's what will happen. You know, when I said in the previous post I didn't feel far from God, I was speaking relatively. After EXIT, I realised, how truly far away I feel. I haven't been doing proper TAWG and all. Like, I get so easily distracted. So there I'm gonna' change that. I remember, this verse the night before OBS. Tremble, earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob, who turned the rock into a pool, ~Psalms 114:7-8 I pray and hope, that well, God will really transform me. Like the rock. That he will use me as a vessel to bring forth springs of water, to do his will in this world and that by my efforts and his mercy and grace, that I'll be able to see people, make that decision to know Him. And thanks to EXIT, I'm hooked on to the song What if. (Can be found on my music play list) What if you're right? Saturday, August 30, 2008
Too much to say, too little time. So I'll summarize. By the way, we are BATTUTA!Monday: Went of and all. So like, took the ferry. At the beginning, we got split into 2 different groups and me Siao Yi plus Angel got separated from the rest of 3U. We were so sad! (But we love Battutta LOADS now! Haha) So yeah. Just started packing for all the expeditions and all, which was ok. We did some trust falls too. Quite fun. Plus a few games here and there. Plus basic belaying. Belaying, may I tell you. It scary. More for the belayer. Cos' if you're not holding down to the ground hard enough, and your friend falls, well simply put... So do you. Haha. Tuesday: We did hiking elements. Climbing a rock wall and all. Dang I suck. Took forever(10 minutes) to reach the 2nd last panel and in the end gave up before I reached the top. I'm so short... Couldn't reach the overhanging rocks and all. And when I pulled myself to the front of the last panel, I grabbed the loose rock and fell back down... Haha. So weak. Abigail went all the way to the top lah. Haha. So pro. She is secretly a bodybuilder I tell ya'. Then we had basic kayaking and had to kayak all the way to Ketam. About 1 km away. Me and Francine became the sweepers. Then half way, my hat dropped, and so the sweeper fell behind. Haha. Had to pitch our tent in some granite-y place. So hard to pitch lah! Everything was wet cos' of the rain and all. Plus it was freezing. We had to use rocks to hold the thing down. Thanks goodness for Cousteau guys. Haha. Had sentry duty as well. Quite ok. Time flew by. Poor Ali couldn't sleep though. Cos' of noise pollution. Wednesday: SEA EXPEDITION! Haha. So we split up and me and Francine's kayaks resumed our sweeping position. Plus we set off 15-30 minutes later than planned. And like, all the SeaX leaders had to pick up all the trash cos' no one wanted to. Ah well. My group was relatively helpful though. Yay for Battuta! Was pretty fun. I love it actually. Despite the fact that kayaking for 6 hours is tiring. It's so much easier to kayak in the river and all than at sea cos' of the currents you have to fight with. Haha. Thank goodness for the rain though. Everything was all so cooling. Haha. And the track pants I was wearing wasn't long enough to cover the whole of legs so like... Now I have a couple more tan lines and it looks retarded. Oh well. It'll fade soon. Hopefully. And so we reached Camp 1 at 3! That's like, an awesome kind of time considering we planned to reach at 4.30 and left late. so we were rewarded with a shower. Only the people took FOREVER inside so being desperate, me Siao Yi, Geraldine and Celine bathed under the shower taps by the swimming pool. Haha. The sleep was horrific though. Pitched our tent on some slope so like, simply put, my back was aching. Oh, plus we got dinner, supper, and breakfast the following morning without having to cook. Dinner was great, Milo was awesome, breakfast was revolting. Thursday: After washing up in the morning, we went up to unpitch our tents. Luckily for us, the horrible position we chose to pitch our tent served us well in the sense that cos' of the rain, we were under the shelter of the trees so while the tent next to us became a swimming pool, ours can be said of as the island in the sea. Haha. Then it was the horror. Land Expedition. I'm ok with all the back breaking backpacks that smell horrendous and all, but the mosquitoes ruined my mood. They ESCORTED us out of the forest! So itchy! Cleo was bathing in repellent like every half an hour or something. Abigail was super funny. Every time she killed a mozzie(which might I add happens on a rather frequent basis), she'd go: "Haha got you loser." and laugh in a cynical manner. VERY FUNNY. Low Ann had mountains on her. Janet and her counted and she had a total of... maybe close to or over 200 mosquito bites. I have no idea how she did it. We got the longest route for LandX(I think Ah Meng, our wonderful very awesome instructor whom I miss the most out of OBS camp chose it on purpose) but we were the ONLY group, yes I said only, who found ALL 5 checkpoints and made it back to Camp 2 on time. GO BATTUTA! Good thing I wasn't sweeping or of any role that time cos' I'd have ruined everyone's mood cos' of the annoying mozzies. Plus I fell on my ankle again... Oh well. At least we gained the most satisfaction out of it all. Friday: Ok. So this was the go home day. It was quite slack. We were given the option of going through the bonus activity, Jetty Jump. As the name suggests, we deliberately jumped off the jetty into the sea. Haha. It was quite fun. We were the ONLY group who did it in the end. I think we're like super cool. Haha. Francine was the funniest. We had to do something just before we jumped off the jetty. A lot of us were being cliche but true stuff like screaming we love Battuta but Francine did the wink. No it's not some ordinary wink, t'was a creepy seductive flirtatious one. Super funny. Haha. Then we got to shower as well. Did I mention the showering facilities there is FANTASTIC? It's like, a million times better than St. Johns Island camp. Really. Love it. But of course, mine is still the best. Haha. Then we had some half-bonding half-reflection kind of thing. It wasn't one of those cliche reflection stuff where you look at each other and I learnt this I learnt that kind of thing. It was about commitments and stuff like that. I think Ah Meng did a really awesome job at wrapping it all up. It looked like we were the only watch that did the string thing with commitments and all. It was really really good. Then we went to buy souvenirs(I spent 50+ bucks) and left Pulau Ubin. After that, 3 hours later, half of Battuta met at J8 Pizza Hut for dinner. Me, Angel and Brenda waited for a whole hour cos' Ali Wang and co. were late. Foolish things happened in the restaurant during dinner which I shall dutifully fail to mention but it was fun. Haha. Then I got a lift from Angel's dad and fell asleep in the car. Haha. Today: Oh man. I'm having serious withdrawal symptoms from OBS. I miss it so much. All the bonding that happened and the retarded-ness was all so much more than Sec 3 camp. I hope we all continue to strengthen those bonds. Miss it so much. Actually looking back now, I wouldn't mind going back and staying there for a much longer time. What Ah Meng said on the last day about why he joined OBS and all, I think it's really good. To enjoy what you do, plus have a goal and purpose knowing why is it you do it. Ah, the inspiration. Maybe, just maybe, I'll consider going back there next time, only like, maybe not as a participant. Ah well, who knows? But I definitely will join some camp thing like Camp High Achievers or OBS for a period of time, maybe long-term, maybe short-term. But definitely over giving tuition for pocket money any day! Haha. I miss the expeditions(can you believe it?) so much. But definitely not the insects and packing. I'm super lazy. Haha. Plus Ah Meng... Hope we see him again though. Then I just realised I haven't done proper TAWG for 5 whole days. Some major catching up needs to be done. But on the other hand, I believe God was there with us throughout the whole camp. So I didn't really feel all that far away from him. Plus, the inevitable mugging I see before me for EOYS, which I have not started. I've only got 2 weeks so I'm going to start ASAP, like say, maybe tomorrow. Oops. Haha. Later there's EXIT. I can't wait to be in the house of God later on. Yippee! I hope Mali,Jingyi and Yaqi come though. Haha. It's going to be awesome. But then, speaking in terms of reality, while I was away on OBS, things just went haywire at home. I don't even know how to react. My maid just left this morning cos' she quarrelled with my Mom and my Mom does not like to lose and since she acted on impulse, she left this morning even though she actually doesn't want to. I have no idea why they have to make things so complicated in the short span of 5 days. I didn't know how to react. Never imagined it to end this way. Like, I imagined us to have some farewell party or something before she left, and I didn't actually say goodbye. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO? I step into the car and Dad goes: "Auntie Noemi is going back tomorrow." No time to think of what to say, so like, I didn't say. Anything. Now I kind of regret it. I'll go dig up some email or something. I have it somewhere. Hope things go well for her. So now life's a little messy and yet, a little cosy. It's sort of like in Australia only we start off on the wrong foot. Oh well, things will work out soon enough. Hopefully. Do not discount yourself because often, we can go some much further and do so much more than we give ourselves credit for. ~ Rough quote from OBS So true. Especially with God. Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Ok. I've decided(I do believe at least 95%) to quit soccer. As in, not forever, but in the U16 squad yes. There's like, no teamwork. Well, sort of. I mean in the sense that the people stick to their own racial groups. And like, I don't feel the thrill when playing. Like, there's no sense of exhilaration when I'm playing with them. Not like when I played with Bra, Bwong, Xi Yuan, Stacey, Hazel, Jing Wen. Just not... as fun. I mean, I like playing team sports cos' of you know... the TEAM-ness of it all. So yeah, maybe next time when I go JC. Although I can control the ball more often when I play basketball. Haha. We'll see. And then there's the perk of staying at home and rotting away, studying, or like every student's wish. That is: sleep.You might say that it was a complete waste of time to even spend a couple of months of hectic busy life that I can confidently say is the cause of the almost-permanent eye bags(If you can't see it then good. One of the few times I can say I'm glad I'm dark.), but the experience was good. At least now I know what it's like over there. And sides', now I can finally go back and play basketball with IGNYTE! YAY!!!!!!!!! I miss it so much. Haha. Only thing is now I have to score well for O's. No more short cuts and getting into VJ in a flash and stuff. Unless I DSA of course. But then again, being sadly an infocomm member, there's nothing much I can DSA for. Oh well, guess it's back to the books. I officially declare that I will stop reading Jodi Picoult books. Don't get me wrong she's really good at her kinda' stuff. But then, I see to many swearing and curses, plus stuff about God such as using His name in vain(can't say I'm not guilty to that but hey, I'm working on it) plus going about how the "good" pastors are those who are open to gay/lesbian-ic culture. Disturbing really. Plus, I've noticed she like to challenge God with science and all. The only book that I can say is free from most of the above would be "My Sister's Keeper". Which, might I add, is a masterpiece. That said, I wanna' read the books: The Historian & Breaking Dawn. But my wallet's on fire 24/7 now. Next week there's OBS and I just realised there are a million things I need, and do not have. Which means a trip to the shops is necessary. Only problem is, I only have tonight, tomorrow night, and Friday to do it. Haha. Dang, I'm so last minute. For example, the presentation for NJRC is still left undone. And so I shall start on it like... now. I was supposed to study for the SS test tomorrow. But being the genius that I am, I forgot to bring back my notes. Brilliant. Monday, August 18, 2008
I HATE the phrase "You think you're so smart."HATE IT. So let's see. So I may be wrong as well, to a certain extent, I should have waited. Yes I'm inpatient. But let's see. You're annoying. Don't act as if you know me. Cos' you don't. Just cos' you're a teacher and older than me doesn't mean you have all the answers, doesn't mean you know me just cos' you see me every week for I-don't-know-how-many-times a day. See? I don't even bother to keep track. I don't like Chinese lessons and I KNOW I have it every day. Moral of the story? Don't tell me that phrase. Ever. Ok rant over. STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY STUDY! I MUST STUDY! Haha. Dumb workload. It just dawned on me today exactly how much homework I haven't done and all. And then, even when I do it, I chuck it some dark abyss and never find it again. Maybe a month later but haha. Like that helps. So now, I shall slack for maybe half an hour cos' I don't wanna' study. Then get working. And I'm turning fat. I haven't been running. Haha. I'm such a slacker. Sunday, August 17, 2008
I do believe I'm back. For the most part. Haha. Yay.Haha. I woke up late this morning cos' I forgot I had such a thing called MindChamps. Oops. Haha. Still reached on time though. Haha. 1st to reach in fact. Haha. It was boring at the beginning as usual. I had to keep slapping myself just to stay awake. I was dying of boredom and tiredness I tell ya'. Right till' we played the 4 heavenly bodies game. Haha. I started out as number 1. It isn't a good number. Easy to remember, but at the cost of getting called all the time cos' people can't think of a different number and the 1st one that comes to mind is well, 1. Then, I called out "Mark", one of the 4 heavenly bodies, and she missed. So there after, I became Mark. Evangeline was desperate to knock me off. I could tell. Haha, we went back and forth. But I didn't lose. HAHA! YAY! So then we learnt Essay Writing. It better work cos' I need it to pass the SS test. GAH! And T-E managed to overtake us today. I'm so sad. Now they're leading by 600 points. Never mind. I'll make up for it in the coming week. I think I'm able to roughly study better now. Cos' I've got some motivation plus reason to now. AND WE HAVE A TEST NEXT WEEK! GAH! I hate studying. Hate it. At least we got the question topics in advance. Haha. Cos' if not I think I'd procrastinate. And the passing mark is 75%. Crazy. Haha. But I don't wanna' repeat so yeah. I was reminded of the need to arrange for my Empower U course but then I found out the next not so immediate one clashes with Ignyte camp. So I REFUSE to go for it. Absolutely not. I wanna' go for camp. I'll probably arrange to go for the very next one if there is and it isn't too close to the EOYS or during the Sept hols. That, or I'll try to bargain and go next year. Haha. Oh, and I need to do TAWG bad. Really. I feel so guilty. I haven't done it in 2 days! I was supposed to yesterday, and I sorta' did. But then I couldn't keep my eyelids open and well, chose the bed. So I MUST do it today! @Davelle: Flying is awesome and you know it. And you're supposed to be studying for... you know... PRELIMS and well, your O's. Which brings us to the question: What are you doing on the comp? Haha. Saturday, August 16, 2008
Just cos' I'm trying to bump out the past. Well, most of it at least. I really do hope it's over and out.Haha. So I went off to church. Then gel was fun. Horrible and rotten, but fun. Why? Cos' we just HAD to play some animal game and I couldn't remember what animal I was(even though I chose it myself) and cos' it was so similar to the one next to me(Laura and her giraffe), I kept getting mixed up. So yeah. I was champion of missing the cue. With a whopping record of 4... Then Sis Shirlene asked Vincent, who didn't have a single demerit point, for a forfeit for me and Nina, who came in 2nd with 3 points. And he was like... Vincent: I have one but it's quite dumb. Sis Shirlene: Oh, good! Dang. Horrible. And it was... Write your name with your butt. WHAT?! MY BUTT??? Horrible experience really. And Laura was enjoying it the most. Just you wait! I'll get you! I will! Haha. So then had service and got a pleasant surprise. Ler Yee and Jing Yi decided to drop in. YAY! I'm happy! Haha. I hope they got touched by God although the decision was last minute. Then we went and had dinner. I'm seriously such a pig. I had a double cheese burger and 2 scoops of island creamery ice cream. YUM! I can't resist those stuff. Haha. We were joined by Sis Genin(that how you spell it?), Nick, and Rachel. Haha. Sis Genin was the funniest. We kept saying random things, then halfway through, she'd reply: My chicken very nice. Yes she was eating Mcwings. Haha. And she kept commenting on how fatty and oily it all was. Haha. Dang. Then we walked around Macs and bumped into Sis Coco and Michelle, and disrupted them by just hovering there and talking. Haha. So fun. Sis Coco, I quote, said this in all modesty: Sis Coco: If you're under ME, Art is very fun and you'll learn a lot. Me: Eh..? Modest eh? Sis Coco: I'm not boasting. If it's a fact and I say it, I'm not boasting. Ok maybe not word for word but something like that. Haha. Then we went home. I'm dead tired and sleepy. Plus tomorrow there's MindChamps. I really want my Sundays back. I can't wait till' I finish. ARGH! Then I missed TAWG yesterday and I feel guilty. My sad excuse is that: I was sleepy after training, got home at 11.30, too tired. Lousy really. So I've gotta' make up for it today. @Lala: Thanks for that post. We all made mistakes. And I wasn't exactly all that nice either. So yeah. Hope you'll forgive me for that too. I suppose every thing's been settled then. 98% at least. Yay. Thank God. Returning my life back to the normal routine isn't easy I tell ya'. I'm a slacker by nature. And telling myself not to slack is a pain in the butt. For example, take now. I could be studying Social Studies like I'm supposed to. But well, I despise studying. It irks me. So I'm here idling my time away. And then, EOYS are just around the corner, and I haven't started. Such a smart thing to do really. Plus there's OBS in a couple of weeks. Cool. Only thing that sounds really gross is the not bathing and dig-a-hole-for-your-toilet for a couple of days. Eww... Then again, I had prior practice during the St Johns Island Camp. Haha Went for training yesterday. We have a new coach now. Dang. I like Coach Mike better. This coach is boring... boring... and boring... Oh, and now I've got muscles aches at random places. So that shows how fit I am now. Haha. The highlight of yesterday would have to be recess. Cos' we had an awesome game of basketball, tiring, but fun. There was this other Sec 4 girl who appeared out of nowhere and thrashed us. It was fun getting thrashed. For the most part. Cos' we had this energy rush and ran up and down the court. On the other hand, she's violent. Haha. More than me. Makes me feel like a cushion of some sort. So our counterattack? BE VIOLENT AS WELL!!! Haha. Been awhile since I did that. Yay. Can't wait to go for FUEL and service and stuff. FUN FUN FUN! I wonder if Michelle baked anything this week. Yes, I'm a pig. Haha. Oh yeah. I just remembered. I haven't done up the presentation for the competition in a couple of weeks. Oops. Thursday, August 14, 2008
Is it all over? I wonder. Sure we got an answer and all. Well, sort off. The result? No retest for us except for a class. Then again, I can't really tell. Should I be happy, or sad, or confused, or angry. Beats me really. More like... a mixture. Not that it sounds very sane and all.I mean... yay? There's no more retest. And to add on, the whole A maths test got shifted to Term 4 week 1. More time for me to clear my head and sort everything out, cos' it's a mess right now. But now, they announced they're investigating. And well, I guess the source of my headaches would be that in a way. I've got nothing to hide. But then, there are a few individuals whose reactions I'm worried and 'fraid about. I mean, I don't really know what's going on in their heads and all. So yeah, I'm worried about that bit. Aside from that, we've done all we can. There's nothing that we can really do anymore. Besides, I think Mrs Dolphin is going to get sick of my face if I keep going up and all. So all I really can do is wait, observe what happens, and try to smoothen things out should there be any mad people(which I think is highly possible). And then there's my mom, and leaders? I don't mind the latter finding out about this whole thing(they don't know yet. Save for maybe sis coco) and all, cos' I dunno. I know they mean well. But then for my mom? Big issue there. She keeps probing. And was like, "ever since last week after you went to church, you've been so... (I don't know what she said. Wasn't listening. Something about dead and not studying). Why ar? Traumatised is it?" Like hello? Traumatised? Do I look traumatised by you? I wish she stopped probing and speculating. She has some strange scenarios playing in her mind. So yeah. I also noticed I've become more crude in the process of this whole thing. Like, more impulsive, and agitated. And all. I should stop. Like seriously. Bad bad bad thing that is. @Lulu: I'm not really in a position to say this. And I may not know how your end of things is really like. Plus the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing right now. But like yeah. I read your blog: I'm so disappointed. But I can't do a thing, I can't, I can't. You know what? Yeah to a certain extent we are all powerless. But there's one thing you can do. Have faith. Faith that you'll live through this whole thing, and faith that your class will go through it together. Lucky for you, yours is a class. We're 2 people. If things are going to be like this, go through it together. You and your class. You're not alone(26 others you know?) Haha. Yeah, definitely in no position to say all this. I'm crazy. Wednesday, August 13, 2008
You know what? Today, was supposed to be the day 80% of my life went back to normal. But that obviously didn't happen.Apparently TSK(Haha. Hui Min told me something funny about those initials) seems bent on messing everything up for me. ARGH! So now, that class is going to get punished and all. Well at least the ones identified as cheaters. WHAT RUBBISH! YOU TELL ME ONE THING AND YOU DO THE OTHER?! And sides', not everyone you guys identified as a cheat did cheat. So now, I'm back to square one. The whole security blanket that I found yesterday disintegrated and reality came crashing down on me. Dang. So like, haha. This isn't going to end anytime soon is it? I'm so distracted now. I messed the whole of 听写 up as well. If this keeps up, I can kiss my dream PPR good bye. Now they say they're not mad at me and all, but from what I hear from others, it's a whole different scenario going on. "Try that for no investigation." wasn't quite the best phrase I've heard today. They're mad. And I know it. Sometimes I wish you'd just walk right up to me and stab me or something. Be direct. I hate the 'soft and nice' method. Hate it. It hurts way more, to hear the truth from a 3rd party. But hey! What can I do? I've done all I see physically possible and within my power, which in this case may I remind you I have equivalent to none. I've tried, I'm still trying. But I'm running out of ideas. Quick. Mrs Dolphin tried to assure us that every thing's going to be fine. Haha. I said tried. Cos' her plan failed. I'm nowhere near relaxed and calm right now. And then there's impending doom awaiting next week for SS and A Maths. If this thing doesn't end by latest this Fri, I can already see how well I'll do for those tests. Not that I can see how exactly SS could get any worse anyway. Oh and E-geog was by far the worse lesson today. Or is it chemistry? I've got no clue. Ah well. It's the same. During Chem, I lost my worksheet and was made to stand at the back for a whole hour(so primary school) but it wasn't the standing that bothered me. It was the whole backache issue. Dunno. Everything decided to freeze and feel stiff. So I ended up facing the wall and sleeping. Well, sort of. I didn't sleep, but I closed my eyes and shut everything out. Then there's Geog. I was dead-beat by the time the 2nd half of the school day started. I don't know why either. So I ended up falling asleep. This time for real. Then when the Mrs Ferns(pseudonym here) woke me up and told me to go wash my face. I had the feeling the whole class was drilling their eyes into my back. Of course that's just speculation, but I'm paranoid now. Haha. I'm going crazy. In this situation, I'm laughing? Yeap. I've lost it. Completely. I know, just realised, that I really should have shut up right from the beginning and minded my own business. But it's not like I can change the things I've done now. The only thing I can do is bear with it all, complete with stress and confusing comments from people, and try to change the course of this crashing train wreck. Not that that's working of course. I'm gonna' collapse from fatigue at this rate. Now would be a good time to 'talk' I guess. Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Ok. I woke up feeling ridiculously light in the morning despite knowing what I was gonna' be facing soon after. I overslept actually. So that explains a lot. Haha. Such a pig. I set my alarm for 5.30, I woke up. I did. But then, I lost all my strength and in 2 seconds, was down and out. Until 6.30. Haha. Late. Oh yeah, breakfast was awesome. Just cos' it wasn't bread. Soya-tart! YAY!Ok. So then we went and did our thing. It was kinda creepy. How Mrs... erms... let her be... dolphin. Haha. She loves to hold people's hands I noticed. Haha. She was surprisingly nice enough though. Although at first thought, it was creepy. Haha Progressing into the day, the other one in the above stated 'we' kept getting dragged out of the class. And I felt it was my fault. I mean, it's like, my mouth is so big, it caused this whole thing to swell to it's current humongous size, and it caused the frequent kidnapping of me buddy. I should like, shut up. Seriously. Then we had SPA, which was rubbish. Utter rubbish. Like really, I didn't know how to do it at all. I can just see the wonderful results that are going to come back. Horrible. Oh yeah. I gave the invitations to Mali, Chloe, Hui Min, and Ler Yee. Yay. THEY MUST GO! I INSIST! I loved Chloe's reaction the most. I'd elaborate, but it's just too awesome. My secret joy. Haha. Spoke with Kim today. It went better than expected. Not wonderful, but better. Considering she said we're not enemies and all. So yay. I avoided losing a friend. I don't think things will be the same, but at least all hope ain't lost. Maths was rubbish too. Cos' of the kidnapping session and all, during the maths test, I couldn't concentrate. I mean, the numbers which were supposed to link together, stayed in that jumble. And I kept thinking about the current situation, and how seems to be progressing for the worse. So there goes 12 marks. If I'm lucky and everything else is right, I'll get an A2. If not, well then. Dang. So after that, I had a wonderful scream session with someone(let her be Pikachu). Haha. Ah well. The whole thing was clogging up my mind. It was a like a choked drainage system. So we paced back and forth, and all. And Pikachu kept singing. No it wasn't exactly praise worthy. Haha. I found out about the lit test thing. Still a lil' confused, but at least I know more of what actually went on. Rumours, they spread like wildfire. And they hurt the person being discussed most. Stupid nonsense really. It just nearly half wrecked a friendship for me. Gee thanks person who started and hyped it all. I so needed your help on that. Couldn't take it no more. If it was going to continue like this, the tests next week would probably be printed with red F's and all. I needed to talk to someone, not so easily stressed by it all. So I went to consult Mrs Dolphin. Only she wasn't there. I lost her, and I ended up waiting outside the wrong room! So Malu! Lucky some other teacher came along and told me I was at the wrong venue. So finally, I managed to speak to her. She's actually really nice. I found out loads more, the current issues they're trying to deal with and all, and why the do the stuff they do. At the end of it all, I'm glad I went to look for her(even if it meant missing training. I didn't really have the mood for it anyway). So yeah. I've got something to say. Thank you God. For being next to me through it all. For guiding me along this bumpy and dark path. For healing me. For restoring me. Last night when I was still dead beat and just wanted to sleep the day away, you brought me to this verse. You did it for the slaves in Egypt. Why not for me? I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. ~ Psalms 81:6 That you did. I know it's cos' I'm growing in God, that compels the devil to set traps for me. And now, I'm on my way up to a greater height. So there. Ha! With God, you can't pull me back down. Oh yeah, HUI MIN I LOVE YOU TOO! In the not gay way of course. XD Monday, August 11, 2008
What if... Tomorrow never comes?Maybe, the light of day isn't coming tomorrow. Maybe either one of us won't be feeling the sun's warm rays on our faces. What if... the whole world is turned upside down the moment the clock strikes 12? One might argue that such a situation happens only in the movies. Or maybe to the unfortunate 1 in a million at the other end of the world. But what if? What if you were that 1? What would we all be doing? Would there be regrets? And then when we stand before God, at the end of the road. Then, what will we think? Will we plead with him? And what then? Will we plead for forgiveness? Plead for a 2nd chance? Plead for more time? And why? What can time be used for? Time is so fleeting now. It blows past us so quickly, so swiftly, and yet, so gently. The things of this world, they can't be carried up with us when our time comes. The only thing we can bring with us is our experiences, those moments we shared, and the souls that we save. But you know... I've saved none. None. What if... Today is our last day on Earth? Perhaps you won that bargain. You have a day more. And you know it. What would you do? What would you say? How would you leave that legacy you always wanted to, only now, in the span of 24 hours. 24 short hours. No longer do you have those many years outstretched beyond the horizon. 24 hours. Just that. What would you change? Or try to at least. What would be the things you say to those around you? Those oblivious to the precious seconds ticking away. What happens when you try your very best, but you still end up in the mud? What happens, when literally, all time has gone by, and you've failed? During those last moments. What would flash through your mind? What if... You left this world, in this condition today. What if... you never got that 2nd chance to right the wrong? Or maybe you did, but didn't treasure it. What next? There are so many things I wanna' say and do. But the words are jumbled and lost. And even when they do come out? They get trampled on. But... I know now. I do not support the root, but the root supports me. ~ Romans 11:18 Let Your kingdom come on earth. Let Your will be done Let the sinners sing for joy, we are saved by grace I will go. I will live the life. Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine. Sunday, August 10, 2008
It hurts so much to hear others say what you're doing is actually wrong although you thought it was right. What's worse? It hurts so much when those words, those hostile words, come from the mouth of those that once seemed so close, but now... well simply put, that changed in the short span of a week.I know that in this world, sadly, there is no such thing as fair. I mean, everyone is labelled, depending on how well they perform, be it academic, athletic, characteristic, we've all been stereo-typed. One way or another. And you know, there's nothing we can do about it. This issue, whether we like it or not, stays. You know what? This whole thing. It might have been a lot better if I had just shut up. Sure there'd still be a retest now. But I'm seriously going to die at this rate. I don't know what I did to wind up here. Scratch that. I just found out. I should have thought. I should have considered the consequences. Those that hide behind the more immediate ones at least. Cos' it's those that hurt me. I feel like a hypocrite. I don't like backstabbers, I don't like betrayers. And now I'm being called one. Not that I can really blame them or nothing. But it doesn't mix well with me. All my life I've never truly felt what it's like to have friends that stick up for me. Maybe it's cos' I never really stuck to a place long enough to experience it. I mean come on. Like honestly, 3 years in primary school, then it was off to Dalmain primary for half a year, then I shifted to Riverlands for a couple of years, during which I group hopped 3 times. Maybe it's cos' when you're a foreigner, everyone wants to know you. And I guess that made me take it all for granted. Like I wouldn't end up in some soap opera kinda feel. So now I find out someone did. And I screw it up with my big mouth. It seems to me every time I try to do something I send the whole plane crashing. Innocent, friends, enemies. Doesn't matter, they all go down cos' of me. You're right. I am selfish. So selfish, I shock even myself. And now it's going to haunt me. One action, one mistake, and a whole train wreck to follow. I wasn't trying to place a black mark on your records. I wasn't. It was the test, that I opposed. So then I'm now told to know what I'm losing in the process. But I don't want to let go. I can't. I'm so lost. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how even lit got brought into the picture. Every thing's just a blur. I can't undo things. I want to change the outcome of this whole thing though. Only problem is, I don't know how. And every answer I get is so vague, it doesn't help. Everywhere I turn, some ugly matter I've been avoiding rears its ugly head and shoves it's face into mine. I'm given no chance to escape. You're right. It's life. But life seemed so much easier just a week ago. When the only thing that worried me was tests. Well then, thanks Rain Nana. For noticing this silent plea for advice and guidance. And thank you for pointing the obvious, and yet seemingly hardest of solutions. God. I'll try to tonight. When no one else knows. I'll try. And to the last one that lives on Earth who seems to be stuck with me cos' of that thing I did, I'm really sorry. For perhaps making things worse. But you know what? No matter what happened, just then. I'm here. I'm reachable. I care. And! I suck at words. So like... yeah... I'll stand by you regardless of the rainfall of bullets. Regardless of the injuries. And finally, to God. I need you so bad now. I need you to guide me. You're pretty much maybe the only thing that is holding me together right now. Tonight, when the light has been dimmed, when the walls enclose around me. Come to me, and heal me. Give me the rest that I need so much. Give me the sincerity to see what has gone wrong. Give me the courage to face up and change the things that I can. And give me the wisdom, to know the difference. Draw me close to you. Never let me go. Saturday, August 9, 2008
I invited Yaqi to come along cos' I do miss the times we shared before I left for Perth. But then, a couple of hours before I was supposed to leave the house, I just lost all my strength. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of trying to hold everything up. I didn't even think I had the energy left to make the whole experience memorable for Yaqi, to be honest, I was hoping she decided she was busy. I really really wanted time alone. But you know what? She came anyway. I mean, I'm happy she came, I really am. But I just... don't know what to say. I put up such a pretense for FUEL. It was like... being a clown. Trying to act normal, but knowing you suck at acting. What a joke that was.I went with a heavy heart. I couldn't even find the heart for worship at the beginning. I was just so lost amidst my thoughts. I know the reason I go to church is to come to a place where I can focus solely on God. I know that whatever happens in my life, God is still God. And yet, I just couldn't. It all felt so false. But then, Sis Sherry(?)'s sermon... just really... reminded me. Reminded me of who I am, of what I live for. I am not where I am by coincidence. I'm not here because I made a bunch of mistakes along the way. I'm here because God has a purpose for me. Every step I take, it's for you. I will fight for you, I will run for you, I will stand for you, I will not stop living for you. Though the world may be against me, you're all I need. Help me to enlarge my vision, clear the shroud around me, the fog that blinds me. Help me to see the reason, that I am charging down the front lines for. Help me to see the need in this class today, in this level, in this school, in this nation, in this world. Use me to change the world, to impact lives for the better. Truth is relative in today's world. But God's truth never changes. This whole hoo-ha is still wrecking minds right now. All this about truth, integrity and what-nots. The line between them is just so blurred. It's a war-zone, a battlefield, and I don't know how this madness will all end. 2 sides of a coin, 2 different desires, 2 different causes. What is it that I am fighting for? I'm not sure what it was before but God, tonight, I say it is you. I know I am wrong to a certain extent. But if this is going to continue and escalate into a nuclear war, God I will not back down. But this time, it's not because I don't like to lose. This time, it's cos' I know what I stand for. No matter how many times I fall, I will get up and charge down this path. I will stand up for your standard of justice and truth, even if it means the outcome isn't going to be all too pretty. Sis Shirlene, thank you. For approaching me during Altar Call. I needed it. Really. You may not know it. But it seems to me every time I'm feeling down, every time I feel like the weight is too great for me, just before I fall, you're there. You hold me steady just before it all happens. When I'm just too weak my legs are failing me, you appear. I can't really remember what you said to me in that brief moment, cos' I was distracted with the quivering and all. But thank you. God fill me again. That I will not be able to contain it all. See the desire and longing I have for you. And use that passion for your purpose and will. Bring me God, even if it means dragging, pulling, exhausting times, breathlessness, pain, whatever it takes bring me to that next level. Your grace is sufficient for me to overcome all of it. Thanks Davelle. My memory is so vague now. I can't really remember what it was that you said. But I know it helped. Was it "God has a plan for you." or something else? "Good to see you here." perhaps? I think it was the latter. GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR PRELIMS ON TUES! STUDY HARD! GOD WILL HONOUR YOU FOR SERVING HIM FAITHFULLY ALL THIS WHILE! Cos' even while many others were mugging away, you were with us, being a blessing and the SP that we all love. Then there's Hui Min. When we were up late, tired, but unable to sleep. When for the first time in a long time (let's try 5 years) I was being honest with someone else and just ignoring the fact that I sound like completely different from normal. Thanks for saying this 4 words. "Fall back on me." You have no idea, no idea. Just how much that meant to me. So let me, for you too. I will go Wherever you lead I will follow And I have counted the cost I will carry the cross So take my hand All that I have they are yours And you have made out my course I will live for this cause I have decided I have resolved To wait upon you Lord My rock and redeemer Shield and reward I'll wait upon you Lord As surely as the sun will rise You'll come to us As certain as the dawn appears You'll come let your glory fall As you respond to us Spirit reign Flood into our thirsty hearts again You'll come, you'll come We are not shaken we are not moved We wait upon you Lord Our Mighty deliverer My triumph and truth I'll wait upon you Lord Chains be broken Lives be healed Eyes be opened Christ is revealed Alright. I'm just going to summarise it all. So FOLLOW these! 1. ALL personal attacks are to be directed to ME and me alone. Got that? There is NO 3 Unity in this whole shenanigan. It's just me, me, me, and ME! SO SHUT UP WITH THE WHOLE cursing of the whole 3 Unity people. Cos' it's just me! GOT IT!!!! 2. Yeah to a certain extent you are right. We know (more or less) what we are going to do about it. So be happy. 3. @Lala: I know the reason why you're so hyped up about it. More than what you say it is. So I'm not going to just watch. To Lulu: Yes, you're right. DON'T EVEN TELL THE ANSWERS AT ALL. Haha. Right? Oh my gosh. I know you're being sarcastic. But you know what? We don't think we're completely right either. So just wait till' Tuesday alright? You'll get what you want. But let's make it clear it does not in anyway mean that we are giving in. I'm tired. She's tired. cover up. Cover up? Haha. I mean, it's hard to see how you guys won't see us as this way. The whole thing was not to cover up. You said you were protecting your friends right? Like you, I have more than one to protect. Sure your class got roped in as a whole. What makes you think mine didn't? Also, why didn't you paste the part down too Believe me I have it saved somewhere in my computer. But there are certain things I can't say until after Tuesday morning. If you're dying to know, you know how to get me. And so you deserve to be the rightful owner? Well maybe those who've studied real hard deserve it, but not you. Why? Because you're in the wrong too, for shielding your friend, even though you know she was the one who 'did it'. Haha. This is ridiculous. Cos' I agree with you. Haha. Rightful owner? That I'm not too sure. Maybe everyone else who really have nothing to do with it. But I did studied, and not cheat. That probably is my only defence. After Tuesday morning, if I have to retest as well, then so be it. You're right. To a certain extent I am wrong. Shielding? There are many ways of shielding happening from my point of view. Shielding in the sense I'm shutting up until I know what to do. Shielding in the sense that I don't want her to come under fire from you. You know something? You are probably the most mad one in the whole of your class, whom I'm sure is out for our blood as well. But we all know it never started with this. I know when it started. Alright? The only thing that this has given you besides a headache, is the fact that you now have the right to out rightly criticize her. And you do. You really do. But I can't stand it. She might be able to(just maybe). But I can't. I'm so sick of watching the 2 of you kick each other to the ground. I'm so sick of watching the other that's stuck in the middle... get stuck. I'm so sick of just sitting there and listening, and being unable to do anything. But you know? Same goes for me. Aside from the headache, I now have a reason to step in. I don't know why you guys can't just go back to the days in previous years and be FRIENDS. I have a reason, and for that, I won't/can't back down on this whole personal attack. This post will be in reply to a Lala's blog. Yes right back in your **** face. You know what? Don't say we didn't study when we did put in a hell lot of effort. And you people don't come telling me what a traitor and a two faced I am, just because I signed it. You can't have sex on people's faces unless of course you're telling me you've tried it out before. Ok I learnt a whole lot more on what really happened late last night. And like, yeah. I'm sure you guys did put in effort. I mean, you found out just before your test. No fool would sit for a graded paper without prior preparation right? I mean... I never said you guys didn't put in effort. It's like... ah how bout' an analogy. You walk down a path and then some time later, you come to junction. One road looks easier to walk on than the other. But taking each path will result in different consequences. And because the temptation is there. Human nature kicks in. I'm just saying we all had a choice. And even if you guys wanted to cheat, do it with care cos' now we're all dying. Both you and me. Then again, that whole thing applies for us too. And for the record, I never said anything about you signing the thing. Thing is, both parties are at fault. Yes, and I apologise for my side, but hey what about the big mouthed girl who came running into the class spreading the answers? We didn't ask her, she came willingly, told us the answers willingly, didn't complain. Yeah. So I can see. But there are issues on our part. AND THE GIRL IS STUPID! NICE BUT STUPID! SHE DOESN'T THINK! So what if it's probation class? Do you see the effort we really put in when we have to? When there's a test? Why assume that only people from our class cheated? You dare to say other classes didnt? Not even a single soul did? Let me remind you that I was in the same class as a lot of your classmates. Let me remind you that in that span of time I saw things that agrees with your statement. Let me remind you that I happened to study with some of them. So that said, how can I deny the fact? Let's get this straight: "I NEVER SAID YOU DIDN'T STUDY!" Make sense? And you know something? I KNOW other classes cheated. I know there were even some from other classes, who according to other people, had even more guts then just to memorise the answers. It's just that... you are labelled. It's like... You call yourself probation class, it's true, but that very word, some would find it hard to believe if the whole class skyrocketed at the same time. Same goes for the EC classes. We all say they're smart. It's a label. So if they cheated, no one would notice right? And right back at your **** face again, think before you say anything. Don't insult, just because you're smart. Just because your white specs contradict your skin tone. Seriously. I just proved it would be impossible to do such a thing. So please use different words instead of crude ones just because they're always used. I don't recall insulting you. Hello? Where did you hear that? Smart? I don't think so. I don't know how to say it but... yeah. I don't think I'm smart alright? I hate it when people say that. I don't think I'm higher than you guys. And seriously. The whole white spec thing is so random. Friday, August 8, 2008
You know what? I realised I really can't tell if all the friends that I made last year are really true. Like. Everyone is so different now. Some for the better. Some for the worse. I can't even tell those that are putting up a front, those pretending, those that have ulterior motives. I already know some, but then, even though I know, it's still... a shock. I mean, just cos' we're in different classes, I feel so far apart. I don't even know them anymore. I don't know who to trust, I don't know how to help, I just don't know. I know that backstabbing happens to everyone, but I can't help but wonder: What went wrong? What did we do to reach such a place?That and the current issue. I just read this off someone's blog. Let her be... Lulu. I have no idea why Lulu cos' I seem to call everyone that but like yeah. Lulu it is. Ask yourself if your conscience is clear, to those people who've signed it. Apparently, I know a few people who've signed it are not honest at all. ~ Quoted from Lulu Yes my conscience is clear. I see no reason to deny that fact. So they may be a few, I take it some of the anonymous most likely. But you know what? Majority were not afraid to show that they were serious by putting their names down. I can't speak for everyone else cos' I'm not them. So let's just go with my thoughts here. They simply compare themselves with those 'minority' whom they've accused. ~ Quoted from Lulu Accused? I think not. I won't say your whole class cheated. Cos' I believe there are some who didn't. And in any case, you guys probably won't the only ones. I've heard more. But other than that, speaking generally. Yeah it was you. I even heard a teacher tell their class that the chem department know there was leakage because a whole class seemed to magically pass, especially MCQ. Can all of those who've signed it, swear that they did not even ask about one or two questions? Can they swear that they have no intention to cheat at all? Can they swear that what they've said, is 100% true? ~ Quoted from Lulu Yeah. I can. I didn't see the point. In fact we were playing games and ignoring the obvious looming of the chem test. I saw no point to ask. Ask for what? It's already in like... half an hour. I don't believe in last minute studying. Or memorising in this case. 100% true? I'm not allowed to lie. You do realise. I am the one speaking up and bound to get noticed by the school. If I lie, I'd be exposed within hours. If I were to tell you all the answers before the test, would you swear that you wouldn't refer to the correct answers at all? Not at all? ~ Quoted from Lulu No. I will not doubt that I would probably remember at least 1 question. I mean, if you said it quickly, I would choose not to take it down and remember but a part of me will think of it and save part of the answers in my mind. Which is why. God gave us a choice. So conclusion, DON'T tell me. Accuse people of cheating? Where's the proof, where's the evidence? Did you see them cheating with your own eyes? Which eye of yours saw them cheating? Well, shut up if you did not. ~ Quoted from Lulu Proof? Look. We all know. Like you said, God knows. No I didn't see you. But that doesn't mean you guys made it obvious. But I DO know you did. How you ask? Funny cos' I believe you know how I do too. Give those who've cheated a zero? Show me the proof. Show me the evidence. Don't just shoot your mouth off, like that. ~ Quoted from Lulu Evidence? As before, I HAVE NO evidence. Except for what I know, what I hear. Now that I think about it? They should just make you guys retest, giving you guys extra topics would be unfair though. At least like that you don't have to get zeros. But if you can attest like this, then I take it you didn't cheat, and a retest on the same topics on Tues wouldn't be a problem for your class. Anyway, How do you know that everyone from the 'minority' whom you've accused really cheated? How do you know that all those who've signed it, have got a clear conscience? Apparently, I don't suppose they do. ~ Quoted from Lulu's blog You're repeating. And it seems to be the only defence you have. NO I DON'T. BUT I DO!. Fairness should be given to its rightful owner. Are you saying you are the one that is the rightful owner? Let's see. Today was a really eventful day for me. For starters, I was quite surprised how quickly the Mrs Goh found out about the whole petition thing. As in, I expected it to happen sooner or later, and I was prepared in a sense, but that was seriously all too quick. Well whatever, I removed the stuff cos' the message got sent across. That was the whole aim so whatever the outcome, I'm happy that they acknowledged. Of course I would be elated if they did cancel it. Ok. I think 3 Unity was crazy today. Like really. During the whole "hold-hands" event thing. We were running around singing songs, and taking LOADS of pictures. Then after that we all thought it was a dry run and was uncertain of the whole event. Then they told us to go back to school. So MALU! Haha. But I love my class. They were so supportive and enthu. Oh and I learnt something today. Crystal+Hui Min+high notes=bleeding ears. Haha. Went out with Mali and Ler Yee and Hui Min and Xing Jun today. It was pretty awesome. We couldn't decide on where to go but we ended up in Fisho and Co. at Suntec. Haha. Then nHui Min decided we're gonna' play some Fry game thing and we saved a couple of fries, and went round the table passing the fry from one person to the other using our mouths. And it got shorter and shorter. Especially when it was between Mali and Xing Jun, cos' Xing Jun could't stand looking at Mali's face(she looks like... ok I shan't describe) and they kept laughing. Haha. The order of it was like: Hui Min>>>Mali>>>Xing Jun>>>Ler Yee>>>Me>>>Hui Min etc. Haha. The whole goal was NOT to be the ones ending up kissing each other. It got really dangerous near the 2nd round. Like... Mali and Xing Jun had at most half a cm between them. Then when it was Xing Jun and Ler Yee, HAHA! Oh my gosh. They couldn't pull it off very well. Needless to say it shrunk cos' Mali and Xing Jun are a terrible combo. Wanna' know who kissed who? After Xing Jun and Ler Yee avoided sharing their first kiss, Xing Jun let go and... Answer: Ler Yee ate it. Haha! Cos' if not, we'd be kissing. Eww... But that was the summary. I normally don't combine days where I feel both philosophical and lame. Today's an exception. Thursday, August 7, 2008
I'm gonna' start a petition right now. Too pissed. Thanks goodness for google. All those who feel it is unjust, go sign.On one condition, NO anonymous signatures. If you're going to stand up for your rights, don't hide behind the internet. Do it with boldness or don't do it at all. Ok. Let's start with. WHAT? THE WHOLE level has to retake the chem test with chapters they JUST finished teaching like say, yesterday as well cos' about a couple of classes cheated??? Hello! We were like, the 2ND class to take the test, how on earth are we supposed to cheat?! You want to cheat also don't tell the whole world la, make it so obvious, plus rope in the whole cohort in this ridiculous extra amount of work. I kinda like... STUDIED you know, like... a week in advance? I'm sooo gonna' petition against this whole thing. Why can't they just make the classes that did retake themselves? I'm already up to my neck with stuff like let's see... Maths test, A Maths test, Physics SPA, SS(which I conveniently suck at) test, EOYS(which essentially I only have like... let's see 3 WEEKS at most to study? And now this? The school is out to kill us. I'm not quite the type who enjoys studying mind you. ARGH! But then again, that's about all I can do. I'll get my parents to complain cos' if this keeps up, I won't have time to study and I'll just collapse. You know when I said the 'rock' was lifted off my back? Scratch that. A bigger one just got thrown onto the mountain on top of me. In a sad sad attempt to pull up this whole post: Went for the NXT light sensor course thing today. It is quite honestly, a waste of time. I felt that I didn't learn anything new. Like, we know how to line track already. The guy tried to make it fun though. I'll credit that. Then on the way home on the train with Xi Yuan and Debra, we saw this dude who was sleeping with his mouth hanging and his head kept swinging from side to side like there were no bones in him. Haha. We kept laughing throughout the whole thing. You should have seen the look on he faces of those sitting next to him. Haha. Then at one point in time, Debra was like "He's gonna' fall off any moment." Sometime later, he dropped his bottle(AGAIN) and I didn't hear, so he bent down to pick it up. But I didn't hear so I quickly pulled Xi Yuan away cos' I thought she was about to get crushed. "But I know that my circumstances in this season doesn't change that God is still God. It doesn't change what God's called me to be here, what He's called me to do... He's still bigger than everything I'm facing." ~ Quoted from Ben's blog But then, I came home and read this. Which did the whole job in lifting the mood. I can try and riot violently against the Science department and fight this whole test retaking idea, I can get really pissed and hate majority of the classes that cheated and bear long-term grudges and all. I can do all that (which actually seems to me 70% of the cohort have in mind). But I'm sure that isn't God's plan and purpose for me. I mean, it isn't in my nature to forgive right of the bat. Be assured I'm not going to take this lying down. But if the outcome remains unchanged, then whatever. In the end, God is with me through it all. How great is he, that he never fails to forgive us for our shortcomings. Whether we are aware of it or not. Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Nothing much for me to really say but...GOD IS FAITHFUL! I was pretty sure something bad would happen in regards of the geog test but you know what? I got a good grade. Like. AWESOME. Haha. And to think I studied less too being busy and all. So like, this is definitely the time to go: God is awesome, graceful, merciful, and above all faithful. Cos' without him, I wouldn't be here. That and I was fiddling with Bunny today (Loo's green ugly rabbit thing). Haha. Despite it's horrid looks, it's actually pretty amusing. Haha Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The title is I stink cos' I do. Haha. In terms of smell.That aside, I shall now announce my great annoyance with the Chinese test. I failed by HALF a mark. I could have passed! I just missed out a WHOLE 6 mark question cos' of some numbering typo they FAILED to point out to us. The sentences are so similar! If I just ATTEMPTED that question, I would have passed! ARGH! Don't get me started on the physics test. Tomorrow (most likely cos' Sherwood is unpredictable) we'll be getting back our Geog paper. And the rumours I've heard about the results unveiled thus far are FAR from desirable. Then again, if I get a good grade, that'll make my day. [edited] Then went to VJ with Hazel for a match. It's WAY far. Like at the other end of the world. I can't imagine myself travelling there and back every day when I go JC, so I've decided VJ will be a worst-case scenario. (By the way their field is AWESOME. I don't get it. VJ gets to train on such an awesome field and the National team gets some mini-Himalayas for a field.) Haha. I played goalie again (so contradictory, I didn't wanna' be goalie, and yet, I volunteered today.) It was actually going pretty good you know, right till' I let a goal in. I dove for the ball when it was a metre away from me, then somehow it ended up somewhere else, I got kneed in unmentionable places, didn't scramble in time, AND I LET IT IN. That's pretty much sums up my pathetic failure. At least we drew for the 1st half, which I was playing. The result was 1-1. Then we switched parts. We lost the 2nd half, 4-3. But it ain't Niza's (?) fault. Then again, such comforts don't work on goal keepers. It's a horrible feeling I tell you. At the end, I think Coach noticed the goalkeepers unease. And he was like: "I don't care about the scoreline at the end. It's not the goalkeepers fault. I wanna' see if you're play a good game, it doesn't have anything to do with who plays better, or how long you play. Win as a team, lose as a team." Well, he does make sense. But tell that to a goalkeeper. The feeling that we get that tells us we let the team down doesn't fade. Knowing that everyone thinks that way (well most of em' I hope), it actually makes the whole thing worse. That said, I wanna' change jobs. Oh yeah. I'm reminded of the maths test next week... Monday, August 4, 2008
Watched more of Hutus and Tutsis today. And they say it's a true story. Humans are such delusional creatures really. We all thing we're better than the other just cos' of whatever background we have. Just go on trampling on everyone else cos' we've got the ability to. But then what can I really do? Complain and express revulsion. But there's gotta' be more right? I mean. There are so many lost out there. Even around me everyday. And I take all of it for granted. I keep saying "Tomorrow will be the day." But what if tomorrow never comes? Someone (whom I fail to recall) asked me that just 2 days ago. And I didn't answer. Couldn't answer. Just stared blankly."I do not understand it. I would not have believed that such things could happen on our farm. It must be due to some fault in ourselves. The solution, as I see it, is to work harder. From now onwards I shall get up a full hour earlier in the mornings." ~ Boxer the Horse (Animal Farm) We may not understand why and how such atrocities can be carried out in this world today. Neither would I have believed it happens outside the context of World Wars and such. I mean, we have terrorists around who want to destroy the world. It's quite similar to how the Interhamwe wanted to wipe out all Tutsis. Regardless of what they have done. Each one of us won't make much of a difference. But together, we can move mountains. We just need to keep trying, to keep moving forward, to never stop climbing higher. God, guide me on this path today, and the days to come. Fill my life with that purpose you have for me in this generation. Use me as you will. Sunday, August 3, 2008
You know what? Yesterday was awesome. I realised the true extent of the blessings God has given me. I've got awesome friends, awesome leaders, who never fail to encourage me on even when times are low. Yay for me. So there, in conclusion, I wanna be one of those awesome people as well, who are always there for their friends in times of need.Through the trials with God, I'm never alone. There will be scars, but you know what? When I look back, I'll remember how God pulled me through despite the odds. Thanks to all those who encouraged me. Namely Ben, Michelle, Christy. Haha today we got through the 80% of the MindChamps lessons in like half the usual time. But then the teah wasn't feeling well so we got let off early. It was a good thing too! I mean, I managed to go home, study, finish notes, sleep (over-sleep I mean. 2 whole hours of being a pig) and finish studying. For the most bit at least, just gotta' attempt all the exercises (which I have not) and well, drill em' in my head. So yeah. In a sense, I'm not as panicky as a couple of days back. 4 MORE WEEKS OF MINDCHAMPS! And I'll get my Sundays back. And be able to play Basketball with Bro Andrew, Haruki, Tim, etc again. YAY! And thanks to God again. Things are slowly returning back to normal. I mean, at least we're talking again. Maybe by Tuesday the shroud will clear. It won't be as always anymore, but I guess we can make it better. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. ~ Psalms 61:2 Friday, August 1, 2008
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. ~ Psalms 55:22In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do? ~ Psalms 56:3-4 Lord thank you for revealing these verses to me last night during TAWG. Everything I do, for you. Everything I have, for you. Me, for you. I feel awkward. I can't seem to approach someone the same way anymore. And every time we make eye contact, I flinch and panic. Out of shame, or out of fear. Or is it both. I don't know. I don't want things to remain this way. I don't want this seemingly eternal silence to continue for any longer. Yet I can't muster the courage to face up and return everything to normal. I'm such a coward when it comes to these things. I can run, I can jump, I can shout, I can stand up for my rights, others rights. Yet when it comes to things with knots and complications in relationships, I look away. God help me. Help me to right this wrong. My might alone is not enough. |
about me
Name: Lim Xiwen Age: 16 Birthday: 17th April 1993 Proud member of Sec 4 Unity 09' IGNYTER wishlist
1. Grow in God2. Grow taller 3. More time 4. More self-control 5. To learn how to bar 6. Fufil my resolutions 7. Leave a legacy 8. Improve in football tagboard
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