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Sunday, February 15, 2009
Lately I haven't been doing what you've called me to do. I've been so caught up with my own desires, I failed to realise you were waiting. That each moment I spent chasing after the things that temporarily please me is a moment loss. A moment where I could have been speaking to you, making a difference elsewhere. In other words, I've forgotten my very purpose. This year, so far has been a year of change. And perhaps I've just been swept away by the things around me, I've forgotten who it was who brought me all this way. I forgot who it was I lived for, for a short while. But this song, reminded me. I've come to worship I've come to lift up Your name For You deserve this Life laid down like the one that You gave I have but one voice One heart and one sacrifice So won't you take this life laid down and be glorified Be glorified I haven't got much to offer God. But whatever I have been blessed with, I'll praise you for it. So just take me, for all I am. For what I am. I lay it all down before you. Saturday, February 14, 2009
So. Hi. It's been 5 days, and now it's back to the books. Haha.I messed up alot this week. Like doing the completely stupid and leaping before thinking. Most of you guys reading would probably know of the stupid stunts I pulled. But that's kind of besides the point. I thank God for placing me around such awesome friends. Mainly Huimin, Leryee, and Fammy(Yes you!). They've really been supporting no matter what I do. I finally realised. I've been seeking for things from the wrong people. And that the one thing that can truly satisfy my soul is God. That's all there is to it I guess. No one is perfect, on this earth. No matter how they seem to be. No one can truly always be there for me except God. No one can fill my life with so much purpose like he can. It took awhile. Like 4-5 days just to realise this. But I'm glad I did. Thanks God, for being my God. And... HAPPY BIRTHDAY LERYEE!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SUPER ALOT! YOU ARE NOW OLD! Friday, February 6, 2009
Nothing has seemed to change really. The stupid coldness that exists between us two. But I'll trust in God to have a reason for this.Anyways, today's workshop was pretty fun. So first thing we did was take a personality quiz and all to find out which types were we. The bulk of 4U turned out to be Is. So we are one hyper class. Yes friends, if you haven't already heard, I am an I, followed by an S/D. So I have 3 out of 4 personality traits. HAHA. ROJAK! Sorry, weird moment. Anyways, Guess what? I people are supposed to be influential(yes amazing!), inducing, the life of the party, afraid of rejection, trusting, bring the mood into the group, and some more stuff that I fail to remember. And because of the first adjective, THE WHOLE OF ZHANG WEI'S ROW TURNED AROUND TO STARE AT ME. Cos' they think I 'influenced' them into disliking someone. It's all in the mind friend. NOT ME. Haha. Oh well. Then we had this "which brain are you?" test and I'm centre-brained. Daphne and a few others join me in my quest for equilibrium. Haha. Including our form teacher. Plus we had to do some test which determines our 'level' in study groups. The 3 groups are: charcoal, fuel, and catalyst. NO. I AM NOT CHARCOAL. Haha. I am FUEL! If you're charcoal, don't come to close! I might set you on fire. Okok. So the mundane are out of the way. The best part of today has definitely got to be the final game we played. It's called "Huddles". So here's the gist. There were 2 rounds. In round 1, we had to get into groups of 7-10 and hold each others hands tightly while the 4 coaches(:Yvonne, Sherwin, Isac, Tingxin) went around trying to pull some of us apart and drag people out. I think the coaches didn't really come to attack the 5 groups that make up 4U at first. Cos' most of us were smart(yeap!) and linked our hands like we would do for the human knot. So they didn't really try to pull us out. Xinyi and Lorrain's group however, I saw, were swishing and swaying back and forth because they didn't link up like the rest of us and were being picked for that. Haha. Quite funny to watch them actually. Oh yah. Some coach(whom I can't remember) tried to poke me. But too bad! I can harden my skin! An amazing ability actually. Plus some guy coach(whom I can't remember either) grabbed Xing Jun, and tried to pull her out. So like, the few of us on the other side of the circle started leaning back. Haha. And those next to her(like Mali) were pulling her back in. Haha. Lucky you XingJun, you had Mali next to you. Haha. No one in their right mind would grab/tickle Mali. HAHAHA. That was when we first initiated(pronounce I-ni-she-ted) operation KICK COACHES. The basic strategy of this would be, in simple terms, to kick any coach that tried to mess with us. HAHA. The commandos for this operation are me, and Mali. HAHA. It was fun kicking the coaches. Haha. Except I feel kind of bad cos' I think Coach Tingxin was not expecting us to be SO violent. So, she didn't get out of the way quickly enough before I kicked her hand(it was a lil' red when I went to apologise after most of the adrenaline faded. SORRY.) And Mali kicked some dude as well. Haha. So that was round 1. Round 2, I must say, was considerably harder. We weren't allowed to link the same way, and our arms had to go around each other's shoulders. Only our group took it a step further. We stretched our hands across and linked to the person 2 spots after us. Haha. It felt cramped though. Cos', well, I'm short. Er. But that is not the main point. Haha. So this time, as usual. The coaches were picking on poor Jomain's group. And they all chose the right person to manhandle. Yeap you guessed it. Jomain. So the coaches kept trying to pull her out. That was when the real fun began. Seeing as how we are 4 UNITY, we decided that the group of us(consisting of me, Mali, Chloe, Huimin, Xingjun, Elaine, Peiyi-not 4U but she's welcome!) should be the pioneer elites for our even better strategy. It's called, Operation BANG COACH DOWN. I am proud to tell you with confidence, that this operation is even BETTER than Operation Desert Storm. Yeap. So our first wave of attacks were from a guy coach who was manhandling Jomain. And so, we charged. Yeap. We charged. Like "RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" and rammed our butts into the back of the coach. Then the coach fled(sounds like the pokemon game. Ask threw a rock at wild pokemon. WIld pokemon fled!). Haha. So then, we decided, we should totally help out one another. And so news spread to all 4U groups that we would rise up as an army, and win the invaders who are trying to take our friends. And so the main strategy was this: "Any coach(es) attacking us or our friends will face the wrath of 4U's many butts". Awesome right? And so the story goes, many coaches backs suffered. Haha. But then when they realised we were become fierce, and considering how the commando group(us) were the loudest and obviously the masterminds for the atrocious rebellion by 4U, all 4 coaches came and surrounded what had by then become a defensive formation. And so they took us on. And we met with the challenge! As a raging force full of potent kicking and everything. But our formation was kind of bad. Considering we couldn't move very well when we're glued to one another. Haha. And so, before too long, I found one of my legs being lifted and pulled by Coach Yvonne. Never mind. That one I can fight off. So I think I kicked her. Haha. Then Coach Tingxin. But alas, 4U members rock la. Then a guy came. Then I was flying. Horizontally. In mid-air(quite thrilling actually). Next thing I knew, I waa grabbing whatever I could. Like, Xingjun's blouse. Haha. And Chloe grabbed my neck. Luckily game ended before I could be dragged out. So yes. Why were we more bonded? Cos' we were the only class that didn't lose a member. Cos' we would charge at attackers. And cos' Coach Yvonne tested Mali and gang. And said I was pulled out. But they defended me well, and so passed the test. Meaning, 4U. Rocks. This day, or rather those moments, will forever be remembered by me. Wednesday, February 4, 2009
So I've been getting alot of "OMG Xiwen. You are SO in Quadrant 2." Thanks for the compliment(?), but you guys are wrong. You have no idea how far behind I am in other things right now. Plus the deadlines I have missed. And what is to come. But hey, I'm not complaining about those. I chose it.To start with. Yes I'm studying for Geometrical Proofs and am 75% done with my study schedule for the chapter. But take heart those who think I'm mad, cos' I still understand little of that atrocious chapter. Let it be known I do not intend to be an architect, or anything that involves proving circles and triangles. And even if I do, guess what. I'll do it the smart way. How? I'll use a RULER and a PROTRACTOR. So I'm pretty much doomed just like the rest of us with the exception of Jomain, Jolene, and Weiqi. All of whom are total math freaks. Moving on, I must say I find it slightly amusing. How life hits you at times like this. And you know when it's coming. Weird I must say. At the very least, it's a lesson learnt. Or perhaps even in this case, learning. Sure I mess up on a pretty regular basis. But I honestly think this is a major overreaction this time 'round. I don't even understand now... I don't understand how some people can hold grudges, for like all eternity. And even when they forget what the offense was, they still harbour dislike for others. Isn't it so tiring to be angry all the time? On the very day this whole nonsense started again, I went back home thinking everything was normal. But it wasn't. I don't even know what was the huge offence that I did. Just a comment in the morning, and all hell breaks loose. It doesn't help one's mental strength, when every morning, you wake to see the same person in a foul mood, it starts the day off on the wrong foot. It doesn't help much either, to go back to a home everyday that doesn't even welcome you back and would rather you be away. Even today in the morning it happened, worse than before. I tried to shake it off when I reached school, but obviously that didn't happen. And I'm a poor liar, so the story goes. I feel so drained. Every time I try to divert my attention to something else, it doesn't work. The problem, situation, crisis, continues to hang in my thoughts. I must say though, that I have found more people I can trust. I don't say it. To add on, the person where all the gloom radiates doesn't even take note of your existence. It feels worse still if that person is your own 'mother'. But sometimes, a simple act of concern can touch a person's heart. So to those people(if you see this), Thanks. Alot. Maybe I've come to the point of no return, where I'll never be able to earn your respect again. Maybe, I've just wasted away all my chances in the foolishness and immaturity I still had in the past. And if that were the case, perhaps I would be fine with everything right now. But you know, for all the times you have said you show no favouritism. For all the times you said even if there were, I would have been the one. It hurts alot. It hurts alot to see you doing just the opposite. It hurts to see how you can reconcile yourself to the people who have more bones to pick with you better than you can with me. It hurts to see how you see all the wonders and talents with the rest but see nothing but flaws in me. It hurts to see that if we ever were ranked, I would be at the rock bottom. Perhaps even below that. Our relationship, have never quite been the same ever since that day 2 years ago. But even so, with everything now. Hatred is beyond me. The only thing right now that comes close to falling into that category would be my CCA. But that's besides the point. I have mentioned before, time and time again. That no matter how painful, tiring, or tough it will be, I choose to follow Jesus. In other words, I choose to not let history repeat itself. So the fact of the matter is, I will still try. I choose to stand, and not surrender. You are wrong about who I am. I am not who you dictate me to be. I am not someone in a play, for you to script out my thoughts and my actions. I am not the same person as before. My feelings and thoughts, are unknown to you. You are not me. I WILL show you, who I am. I will show you, what I am capable of. I will show you my resolve, in doing the things I have set out to do. I will advance. |
about me
Name: Lim Xiwen Age: 16 Birthday: 17th April 1993 Proud member of Sec 4 Unity 09' IGNYTER wishlist
1. Grow in God2. Grow taller 3. More time 4. More self-control 5. To learn how to bar 6. Fufil my resolutions 7. Leave a legacy 8. Improve in football tagboard
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