Reach the sky;

Friday, December 26, 2008

So I said this was going to be a new season. It sure is alright. Chilly, and salty. All I can do is hope that after it all, I'll become cured squid or something. Pardon my sad sad choice of analogy here. Since I'm here anyways, blessed belated Christmas to all.

So let's see. I have.... about a week before school starts. No homework has been done, no studying, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be studying. Oh joy... This is going to be one awesome start of the year. I can see it now. Just brilliant. But I think that should be the lesser of the situation now. I haven't got much motivation to study anyways.

This year, was one warped Christmas for me. In a not so good way. I think it's my fault again(why oh why do I have a knack for ruining traditionally celebrative days?). I managed to ruin it right from the start too. Like say, 12 am. Good job Xi Wen. And I haven't exactly got much of a defense either. Like say, "I was sleepy, cranky, and basically pure instinct and emotion was awake, not my mind. Which would explain why I so annoyedly shouted cos' well, they were screaming around my room while I was trying to sleep. And at that point in time, sleeping was all I cared about to be honest." Great defence isn't it. But in the end, the events that followed after wasn't exactly what you would call 'merry'. And the thing is, I should have just stayed up for the half hour more. Cos' then I wouldn't have a chance to slip back into primitive times.

Having said all that, it doesn't exactly change where this has headed, and probably still is. But you know, even if a teeny bit of me feel this isn't the way it should carry on, I'm beat. Dead tired. Fighting so much is tiring. So pretty much, I've given up on arguing. I mean, there isn't much sense when you get shot back down before you even finish your sentence. It's not that I've given up though. I just got no clue what's left to do. The only faintest idea I have would originate from the phrase: Action speaks louder than words.

The question was raised awhile back. If I'm doing all that I can, all that I said I would. And then questions like if I'm living a double life pop out. Cos' it seems, my own family can't see the changes. I'm still confused by how she derived that I put my friends before my family. And the only faintest idea I have would be how I've just been busy with IWCP(Not that I think IWCP was bad. We got 1 salvation. That is more than enough to make everything worthwhile.) lately, which just happens to be after camp. Maybe she figured I'm running out to have fun again or something. I don't know. But it bugs me still. How she can't see it otherwise. And it bugged me even more, how her idea of punishing me involves making life miserable for everyone else around me, isn't enough for one person? Thankfully she felt merciful to the rest in the last moments. But still, I gotta' admit she is one scary person.

This isn't the first time, the silence and everything. Ironic though, seems like I've been seasoned to it all. I still remember, I use to plead and plead and plead. Now I'm just waiting it out. Trying to make things normal in the simplest of ways and everything. Like for example, sitting here right now. I just hope it doesn't last right till' 31 Dec 2008/1 Jan 2009. Cos' that'd be rather depressing.

Plus, I lost my wallet today. Brilliant right? Lost it in the bird park. I doubt I'm gonna' get it back though. But at this rate, I'm going to pay alot lot more for transport, so I plan to get it replaced, like tomorrow, before communion. See how well it's going now? ARGH.

You know, before it all, I thought it was some nonsense time where I was doing everything wrong(which I am actually) and some down period. And the stuff that went through my head was: "Ok God. Now would be a good time to come and rescue me." and like "Would this be the great new season? How great it is indeed." But if I think of it as a time of moulding, it all fits in. Considering how in a split second of being back from camp, wham. It came down.

I'm going to remember though, that God will never let me go, that he's holding me by my right hand. I just pray that there is still time to salvage Christmas...

“The wind played with my hair at 7:51 PM”

about me

Name: Lim Xiwen
Age: 16
Birthday: 17th April 1993

Proud member of Sec 4 Unity 09'
IGNYTER

wishlist

1. Grow in God
2. Grow taller
3. More time
4. More self-control
5. To learn how to bar
6. Fufil my resolutions
7. Leave a legacy
8. Improve in football

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