Reach the sky;

Saturday, August 9, 2008

I invited Yaqi to come along cos' I do miss the times we shared before I left for Perth. But then, a couple of hours before I was supposed to leave the house, I just lost all my strength. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of trying to hold everything up. I didn't even think I had the energy left to make the whole experience memorable for Yaqi, to be honest, I was hoping she decided she was busy. I really really wanted time alone. But you know what? She came anyway. I mean, I'm happy she came, I really am. But I just... don't know what to say. I put up such a pretense for FUEL. It was like... being a clown. Trying to act normal, but knowing you suck at acting. What a joke that was.

I went with a heavy heart. I couldn't even find the heart for worship at the beginning. I was just so lost amidst my thoughts. I know the reason I go to church is to come to a place where I can focus solely on God. I know that whatever happens in my life, God is still God. And yet, I just couldn't. It all felt so false. But then, Sis Sherry(?)'s sermon... just really... reminded me. Reminded me of who I am, of what I live for. I am not where I am by coincidence. I'm not here because I made a bunch of mistakes along the way. I'm here because God has a purpose for me. Every step I take, it's for you. I will fight for you, I will run for you, I will stand for you, I will not stop living for you. Though the world may be against me, you're all I need.

Help me to enlarge my vision, clear the shroud around me, the fog that blinds me. Help me to see the reason, that I am charging down the front lines for. Help me to see the need in this class today, in this level, in this school, in this nation, in this world. Use me to change the world, to impact lives for the better.

Truth is relative in today's world. But God's truth never changes.

This whole hoo-ha is still wrecking minds right now. All this about truth, integrity and what-nots. The line between them is just so blurred. It's a war-zone, a battlefield, and I don't know how this madness will all end. 2 sides of a coin, 2 different desires, 2 different causes. What is it that I am fighting for? I'm not sure what it was before but God, tonight, I say it is you. I know I am wrong to a certain extent. But if this is going to continue and escalate into a nuclear war, God I will not back down. But this time, it's not because I don't like to lose. This time, it's cos' I know what I stand for. No matter how many times I fall, I will get up and charge down this path. I will stand up for your standard of justice and truth, even if it means the outcome isn't going to be all too pretty.

Sis Shirlene, thank you. For approaching me during Altar Call. I needed it. Really. You may not know it. But it seems to me every time I'm feeling down, every time I feel like the weight is too great for me, just before I fall, you're there. You hold me steady just before it all happens. When I'm just too weak my legs are failing me, you appear. I can't really remember what you said to me in that brief moment, cos' I was distracted with the quivering and all. But thank you.

God fill me again. That I will not be able to contain it all. See the desire and longing I have for you. And use that passion for your purpose and will. Bring me God, even if it means dragging, pulling, exhausting times, breathlessness, pain, whatever it takes bring me to that next level. Your grace is sufficient for me to overcome all of it.

Thanks Davelle. My memory is so vague now. I can't really remember what it was that you said. But I know it helped. Was it "God has a plan for you." or something else? "Good to see you here." perhaps? I think it was the latter. GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR PRELIMS ON TUES! STUDY HARD! GOD WILL HONOUR YOU FOR SERVING HIM FAITHFULLY ALL THIS WHILE! Cos' even while many others were mugging away, you were with us, being a blessing and the SP that we all love.

Then there's Hui Min. When we were up late, tired, but unable to sleep. When for the first time in a long time (let's try 5 years) I was being honest with someone else and just ignoring the fact that I sound like completely different from normal. Thanks for saying this 4 words.

"Fall back on me."

You have no idea, no idea. Just how much that meant to me. So let me, for you too.

I will go
Wherever you lead I will follow
And I have counted the cost
I will carry the cross

So take my hand
All that I have they are yours
And you have made out my course
I will live for this cause

I have decided I have resolved
To wait upon you Lord
My rock and redeemer
Shield and reward
I'll wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

You'll come let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit reign
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come, you'll come

We are not shaken we are not moved
We wait upon you Lord
Our Mighty deliverer
My triumph and truth
I'll wait upon you Lord

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

“The wind played with my hair at 9:51 PM”

about me

Name: Lim Xiwen
Age: 16
Birthday: 17th April 1993

Proud member of Sec 4 Unity 09'
IGNYTER

wishlist

1. Grow in God
2. Grow taller
3. More time
4. More self-control
5. To learn how to bar
6. Fufil my resolutions
7. Leave a legacy
8. Improve in football

tagboard

links

Xiyuan
Puisan
Chloe Tan
Leryee
Ben(avon)
Davelle
Michelle Fam
Tingyan
Eudee
Weijie